Does little Johnny run you ragged all day long? Does little Susie cry for no apparent reason? Do you find parenting harder than what your parents seemed to make it? It may not be your child that is frustrating you, but the way you handle your child’s behavior.
Behavior problems are not necessarily the child’s fault, and punishing the child for any misbehavior is not going to cure anything. Granted, a child caught in the act of misbehaving is deserving of some form of correction. But the reason for the misbehavior must be dealt with in another way.
Most people, children and adults alike, have certain basic needs. The need to belong and the need to feel important to the people they belong to are two of the most basic emotional needs anyone has.
Of course, there are issues that contribute to misbehaviors, such as stress or mental issues like ADHD, but mostly, the problems seem to have come from power struggles. The former issues should be dealt with professionally, but when it seems that the little one is just begging for attention, even negative attention, that is the time when the parents should look into what is the reason for the behavior.
Children are not old enough to understand what it is they need, so they express themselves with misbehavior. The theory that negative attention is still attention is typically at the root of the misbehavior.
There are many different philosophies toward attending to difficult behaviors. But in my experience, there are only two things that actually cure these behaviors:
1. When the parent is too controlling of the child and the child demands less attention, the controlling parent needs to find a way to emotionally “let go” of the child, to let the kid be a kid as the commercial goes. There is no way to control every moment of a child’s life. There will always be things that get in the way, usually good things that if the child is allowed to experience fully as a child, they will remember with fondness. And if the some bad experiences do crop up from time to time, as they do, the child will usually still grow from those experiences as well.
2. When the parent is too busy to be fully engaged with the child and the child demands more attention the more removed parent needs to find a way to emotionally “connect” with the child. As college students with studies and jobs and so many other obligations, we sometimes don’t find the time to think about giving the little one some of our precious time. But that may be exactly what the little one needs from you. Special treats are not what is needed but something that doesn’t cost a penny. A moment or two of hugs and playfulness on Mom or Dad’s part can do wonders to change a tense environment into exactly the peaceful place all three need to make a family environment.